Hey everyone, this is the second post on our movie/book theories (even though we actually came up with it long before the Orc one, I'm just really lazy). I am here today, to tell you why the Sorting Hat, that amazing old creased hat that sits on people's heads (ew), is actually the most evil being ever to have lived. In the Harry Potter universe anyway.
Now, let us see what exactly makes the Sorting Hat so evil. After all, isn't Voldemort meant to be the most badass bad guy? He's being out-evilled by a hat. Kinda degrading, sorry Voldy.
So, firstly let's begin by talking about the traits of each of the houses. After all, the Sorting Hat is the guy who puts everybody in these houses, so surely there's some relevance. The traits of Gryffindor, which everybody thinks they belong in, are normally bravery and courage. However, cause they're all so brave and mighty, they can become very arrogant. The traits of Hufflepuff, (according to Harry Potter wiki, because let's face it only the Potterheads are the ones that know this) are hard-working and patience, however because of their modesty nobody in Hufflepuff really shines out or becomes extraordinary. Which is a pretty damn bad thing if you're a wizard who can do spells and shiz. Ravenclaw values wisdom and intelligence, but because of this lots of people in Ravenclaw are very snobbish and boffins. We all know how annoying they can get. And finally, there is Slytherin, probably the most interesting house. Gryffindor is brave, hufflepuff is loyal, Ravenclaw is clever, those are the ones we all know, but the main traits of Slytherin is actually cunning, ambition and leadership skills.
When you think of Slytherin, the first thing that normally comes to mind is stupid, brainwashed, rule-breaking, unfair, and stuff like that. But cunning and ambition don't equal evil, Harry was going to be put in Slytherin and even bloody Merlin was a Slytherin! So why is it that we never see any of these kids anymore? Why is it that Slytherin is just this mad mayhem of competitive and mean ass-holes? As we've seen, good people can fit in Slytherin more than the other Houses. But as we've seen in Harry's case, for some strange reason, the Sorting Hat gives students a choice, kinda defeating the point of the sorting.
Why does he do this? Surely he knows that, because of the stigma from Salazar Slytherin and the rumours he made a big ass chamber to house a big ass snake to kill muggle-borns, would put off good people from wanting to go into Slytherin, and at the same time making pureblood extremists want to join. This is the reason Crabbe and Goyle, two simpletons who don't seem to belong anywhere, go into Slytherin instead of Hufflepuff, the House that takes on the outcasts. Why? Because they want to, because their families were in Slytherin (and were actually Death Eaters), and they've been brainwashed when they were growing up and constantly told by their families about how good and amazing Slytherin is.
I'm not saying this is the reason the Hat is evil, he just put a bunch of stupid people into one house because that's what they want, nothing majorly evil about that, just shows he's perhaps not the brightest hat in the closet, and fair enough, he hasn't got a brain. But then, if you look deeper, things get darker...
So thanks to the Sorting Hat, 99% of Slytherin is just a bunch of idiots and rebels. So who are the extra 1%? They would be people like Snape and Malfoy, people who actually share the traits of Slytherin. People like Voldemort (ooooooooh, scary). See, Voldy had all the traits of Slytherin, he was cunning, he was very ambitious (I mean conquering half of England twice is pretty damn ambitious) and he was a damn good leader (he got giants to follow him. Giants!). He just also happened to be a maniacally insane and evil person.
But was it happenstance? Well, good people with those traits would have no doubt heard about how bad a terrible Slytherin was, so why on earth would they go there? They want to go to the other 'good' Houses. Yeah you get the few odd ones out like Merlin, Tonks, Slughorn, Snape, etc., but those are few are far between. Mostly, the only people in Slytherin with the actual Slytherin traits are those with the same pureblood views as Salazar, those with family in Slytherin (who would probably the Crabbe and Goyle idiots or rebel types) or those who just don't care about being good. So you've got these few people who are cunning, ambitious and good leaders, with the bulk of Slytherin being dumb rebels. Slytherin is the perfect breeding ground for someone who wants an army.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why the Sorting Hat is the ultimate evil. He built Slytherin up with these brainwashed people who are just stupid and easily convinced to do anything, on top of being rebels, for years and years, and then waited for people like Voldy to come along and lead them! How do you think Voldy got so many followers? The Sorting Hat has been building up an army for these people for years, and every time they fail, he builds a new one up in hopes someone else will come along!
So why does he do this? He probably wants to take over the whole world, or possibly make wizards the dominant species over muggles. This is also why he's a racist. If the Sorting Hat gets his way, he'll become the evil overlord of the entire world! Imagine that, a HAT as the worldwide dictator. A racist hat at that.
Thanks for reading everybody, and remember, never trust a hat!
- Roddy McWalk
"What's kiwi fruit got to do with shoes?"
~ Rodolin McFly The Unwise
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